It's time for a change.
My self image is so down right now that I need to do some drastic change. I want to get a tattoo or another piercing.

I know this is weird but I want to show MYSELF first and foremost that I've become tougher.
I don't want to be that sensitive shy girl I was before, because honestly that hasn't gotten me anywhere.
And after the break-up with my bf 3 weeks ago,I'm really hating on every guy out there(well almost). I want to be single and happy with it. But I need something to get my confidence boost up again. I want to do gyaru again and be a carefree girl.

I dunno.

I want a big drastic CHANGE!

I don't know why I'm writing this in my blog. My hands just won't stop typing. Maybe it's my inner self. While I don't want anyone to feel like I'm feeling now I kind of get "comfort" by knowing I'm not the only one suffering from this. I know it's a cruel thing to say and think, but I actually get a bit better knowing this. Knowing how there's somebody out there who can sympathize with me,who knows what I'm going through, who knows the exact feelings that I'm having when I feel like I've reached the bottom. A person who's life has turned to worse because of this.

Maybe you're asking "Why don't you get help?". If it was only that simple. When I feel like my world has reached its point I don't really care about doing anything except lying in my bed with all kinds of depressing thoughts. I am demotivated. Looking for help is the last thing I think about. When morning comes I usually am okey,not the best but okey,so I think "I don't need help, I'm okey:)" but actually...I'm lying to myself.

I hate how this has made an affect on my relationship with my closest ones. I'm basically a closed book. They ask if I'm okey and I reply "I'm fine",when in reality I'm not fine nor will I ever be because my life isn't as fun as easy as it should be.

There are things that my depression has caused me to do, which I never wish for my dear friends and family to know because of the feeling I will be looked at as mentally unstable. I just wish sometimes they'd know so they would help me somehow, even though I don't want to trouble them.

I'm screaming for help in silence.