even if you scream nobody will hear you
I don't know why I'm writing this in my blog. My hands just won't stop typing. Maybe it's my inner self. While I don't want anyone to feel like I'm feeling now I kind of get "comfort" by knowing I'm not the only one suffering from this. I know it's a cruel thing to say and think, but I actually get a bit better knowing this. Knowing how there's somebody out there who can sympathize with me,who knows what I'm going through, who knows the exact feelings that I'm having when I feel like I've reached the bottom. A person who's life has turned to worse because of this.
Maybe you're asking "Why don't you get help?". If it was only that simple. When I feel like my world has reached its point I don't really care about doing anything except lying in my bed with all kinds of depressing thoughts. I am demotivated. Looking for help is the last thing I think about. When morning comes I usually am okey,not the best but okey,so I think "I don't need help, I'm okey:)" but actually...I'm lying to myself.
I hate how this has made an affect on my relationship with my closest ones. I'm basically a closed book. They ask if I'm okey and I reply "I'm fine",when in reality I'm not fine nor will I ever be because my life isn't as fun as easy as it should be.
There are things that my depression has caused me to do, which I never wish for my dear friends and family to know because of the feeling I will be looked at as mentally unstable. I just wish sometimes they'd know so they would help me somehow, even though I don't want to trouble them.
I'm screaming for help in silence.
4 comments
This might just seem like empty words, but I hope things will get better for you ;_; *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry you feel the way you do. I'm not going to tell you to get help because that doesn't always help.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the last few years has been an emotional roller coaster. I understand the feeling of wanting to stay in bed and just thinking about all the wrong things in your life. I did the same thing. Getting up and having to resume life was like a chore, I hated it.
I think what I've come to realize is that talking about it DOES help. I mean, talking to a stranger even, or blogging about all the things you think and feel... It puts your emotions into something that feels more solid and real... that somehow helped me. Occasionally reading back on it made me feel silly and realize how small some of my problems were. Anyway, I don't know how much anything I said will help you but I just want you to know you're never alone, remember that! I'm sure if you ever do reach out to your loved ones, they'll be there to support you all the way.
I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteOr, I don't. I have no idea exactly what you're going through, what shit that is happening in your life or how it makes you feel. I'm not asking you to tell me; I don't intend to pry.
Rather, want to say that I can relate to that feeling of screaming in silence. That feeling of wanting to talk to someone, but feeling as though you're trapped behind all your walls, and don't know how to let anyone see what's really going on inside you. No matter how much you wish you could change and learn to open up, you're trapped by your own fear.
I don't have a cure. The bad moments always come back, and always suck. Most often at night, since when we're tired, our defences against depression are weak.
I can write about horrid shit going on way easier than talk about it. So I very much understand why you needed to get it out there in a blog.
And all I want to say is this: you're not alone. I struggle with depression, it varies in strength, but it's usually there. I'm thinking about you, and I think I know how you feel. I want to give you a big cyberspace hug, even though that doesn't change anything(>'-')>
Just hang in there. There will be good moments, even though there are many bad ones. And I hope the good ones will outweigh the bad ones in the future. Life is never easy, but it doesn't have to suck. Hold on to the bright moments, and to the people that love you. And know that you're not alone <3
Leit å høre at du har det så kjipt for tida :/ gjør meg veldig trist å høre.
ReplyDeleteJeg aner ikke hva du går igjennom, men husk at du aldri er alene. Jeg vet selv hvordan det er å føle at du trenger hjelp, men samtidig er det liksom noe som stopper deg ifra å ta kontakt.
Jeg var selv sånn, at jeg bare hadde lyst å ligge i senga mi og sove for alltids. Jeg har ingen særlig store problemer, men jeg tenker alt for mye. Som noen før har nevnt, så hjelper det å snakke om det (det er derfor jeg spammer min Twitter så mye loool).
Vi er her for deg, ok? Hold on bby. Håper ting ordner seg for deg snart.